Since most Orthodox monasteries are traditionally quite small, monastics find it difficult to balance their life of prayer with the needs brought about by hospitality to their guests. In order to preserve the spiritual life of the monastics and afford that same experience to others who visit the Monastery, the following guidelines should be followed. Hospitality has always been a monastic tradition, but those who would visit should respect the monastics' home.
While these guidelines are generally appropriate for any monastery, some may not require them, while others will enforce them emphatically. It is certainly better to be safe than sorry, and to avoid the embarrassment of being asked to leave.
Women are generally expected to wear skirts below the knees, long-sleeved blouses, with their heads covered with a veil or scarf in the Church, and preferably at all times while on the grounds of the monastery. (No pants, shorts, mini-skirts, sleeveless blouses, short-sleeved tops or those with open necks, etc.).
Men should wear long pants and long-sleeved shirts. Socks and shoes should be worn at all times.
2. When presented to the Abbot, visitors and guests should always greet him in the same manner as they would a Priest. The Abbot or Hegoumen is not always necessarily a hieromonk, but he is always accorded the same respect. If the Abbot or Hegoumen is not a Priest, he will not bestow a blessing. An Abbess is generally addressed as Mother.
3. You may generally greet the monastics when you see them, but you should not press them for conversation. You should especially not converse with novices. Conversations or questions should be directed to the Superior, if they are present, or generally to the Guest master who is appointed to look after guests and visitors. Other monastics must have a specific blessing from the Superior to speak with visitors. This is a very important part of a monastic's training in obedience, and this silence should not be mistaken as coldness towards you.
4. Monks should always be addressed as "Father" even though they may not be Priests. Novices are always addressed as "Brother". Women monastics (many Orthodox monastics frown at the word "nun" but some use it) are generally addressed as "Mother" and novices as "Sister", but there may be some variation at different monasteries. Don't be afraid to ask!
6. The entire complex in which the monastery is located should be treated with the same piety as the inside of a church. The sanctity of this Holy place does not allow for impropriety. Loud conversation, insolent chatter, and unrestrained laughter are out of place. Children should not be allowed to run freely about, but should be quiet and stay close to their parents. Talking in church, especially when a service is in progress, is impolite and rude.
7. There is generally no smoking permitted anywhere on the grounds.
8. There are generally private areas in the monastery where guests and visitors are not permitted to go. The monk's cells are usually off limits to all visitors and guests. Never enter the cells or domicile without the express permission of the Superior.
9. When visiting a monastery, even for a short time, it is customary take a gift, which can include olive oil, candles, fruit or vegetables, brandy, wine, candy, etc. Dairy products such as eggs, milk, cheese, etc. are also appropriate so long as they are not given during a fast period. Meat or meat products are never acceptable as a gift to any monastery. Please check with the monastery before arrival to ask about appropriateness of a gift.
10. Guests and visitors are usually expected to attend all services and common meals. These are the major activities of the monastic day and you should participate in as much of the monastery life as your schedule permits. If you are staying at the monastery and wish to leave the grounds for any reason, such as to take a walk, you should ask the Superior for a blessing. A monastery is not a hostel or hotel. You are here for a specific reason. Running off to the movies or to a restaurant or undertaking some other form of recreational activity and missing Divine Services will not be looked upon favorably.
11. When attending services in church, please allow the monastics, novices and other visiting clergy to make their venerations, receive Holy Communion, and take blessings first. Protocol requires that good order be preserved in the Church and there is a system in effect. If you are unsure as to what to do, the Guest Master or Ecclesiarch will be most happy to help you.
12. When eating in the refectory, visitors and guests should refrain from conversation during the meal, unless addressed by the Superior. During the meal, it is customary to follow the lead of the Superior throughout the entire meal. This includes standing behind your seat and waiting for the Superior to sit before taking your seat; and waiting for the Superior to start eating before you do. At the end of the meal, you should rise when the Superior rises, whether you have finished your meal or not, and continue eating only if invited to do so. Normally, when the Superior rises from the table, the meal is ended and the after-meal prayers begin.
13. Visitors and guests may be expected to participate as much as they can in the life of the monastery by helping in meal preparation and cleanup, cleaning and other chores and helping with other obediences. While this is probably not mandatory, you should remember that in serving others, you are serving our Lord.
14. When leaving the monastery, please leave your room neat and clean. If you stayed in the Guest House, please make sure that you leave it exactly the way you found it. Make sure the beds are made and the garbage has been taken out. Do not leave a mess behind for the monks to clean up.